Dont Be A Doormat or Punk

0:04 So what does the Bible say a doormat is a rug place on the doorway in which people wipe off their feet figuratively, the term doormat functions as a descriptor for people who allow themselves to be walked on and taken advantage of or used by others without combating it. In any way, sometimes Christians believe that because Jesus taught that we should turn the other cheek in Matthew 5 and 39, and do good to those who hate you, Luke 6 and 27, that he meant we should allow people to mistreat us, but that is not the case. It is a mistake to assume that being a Christian means continually putting up with derogatory or abusive treatment, even Jesus.

0:46 Had boundaries and Jesus didn't want his disciples to be doormats. He doesn't want us to be doormats either. So it's good to know that that is not what Jesus himself wants. Jesus did not save us so that we can just get punked. And demand three 60 starts in three two You've tuned in to Man to Man 360, the show for men, by men, dealing with all subjects. The twist here is we come from a biblical worldview to encourage and empower men to make it in life through the power of Jesus Christ.

1:30 All right, chopping it up, chopping it up, chopping it up, chopping it up. Sometimes it's cool. There's sometimes it is. This is man to man 360. Hey, welcome to a brand new episode of man to man 360. I am your host, Darrell Anderson, and I'm excited about this episode today. This is a little different from the past few. Episodes that were a little bit more maybe on the either more political side or a little edgier sides, I guess, maybe, I don't know.

2:16 But this one I wanted to talk about this subject tonight. It was a little bit more personal, just some things I was going through as I was thinking about my week last week and my week, this week, actually more like yesterday. And there were some things that I've noticed that happened. Both last week and again, this week that had me thinking about some things and I want to share that with you, not so much my story per se, but the grant grand theme of things that hopefully will be an encouragement to many of you guys out there so that you're not easily triggered. And that you're not easily offended.

2:57 I'm going to go right into that in just a moment, but I'm going to also give you I'm not going to go into detail in my situation when I'm going to use. Use it more as an example and use some light examples. So I don't go too much into detail because my story, part of it is not important. I'll explain that in just a second, but listen, before I even go into that, go to man to man, three 60. com that's man, the number two man, three 60. com. And there's where you can follow the show and pull up old episodes and old seasons. And some of the topics that I talk about that remind you to go check out, go there and pull them up and check them on previous seasons. Right now we're in season five. And there's a lot going on in season five, but there was some exciting things going on from one through four.

3:40 So go check out man to man 360. com. And let us know what you think about this show too. Also, you can share this show or episode with other people, text it to them or whatever. Or, and also when you go into and subscribe to the show and you. And the podcast, you can also, if you go to the bottom of the show notes, you can click a little thing there that says text the show. And so it'll actually text us your responses directly from the. Podcast notes. So that's some really cool features and some really cool stuff to basically be able to talk back to us, let you know what your thoughts are and ideas. And it's just a great way for us to get great feedback from you and stay encouraged by listening to you and know that you're out there listening.

4:25 Cool. I'm going to use these two examples. One thing that happened last week and another that happened like maybe a day ago. The first thing that happened at work there, I was walking through. And I was moving a cart. I think I was moving a cart, carrying a drag, pulling a cart behind me, but behind me was another gentleman who was pulling a cart of, of items. And somehow he was, he turned it too quick or whatever. And all of his items got knocked over and fell on the floor. So, you know, I stopped to help him and then someone else came over and helped him and so we're, the three of us are all picking up these items that he tipped over then someone else that I know.

5:08 You know, she's this older lady, she knows me, she claims to be a Christian I don't know about that. We'll see. But anyway, she immediately comes in and she's, Oh, Darryl, as if I was the one who knocked all these things over. Now you're saying, well, she was probably joking. Well, yeah, there's three or four people here and you have to assume that I'm the one that did it. So I know what some of you are thinking, right? Anyway, that was that and I'm like, what are you talking about? You know? So anyway yesterday happened and there's an area where we can go in and sort of just wash our hands. It's literally a sink that's called a hand wash sink.

5:50 You don't do anything in there, but just wash your hands. You don't dump anything. You don't dump food. You don't dump trash. You don't dump anything in there. You just wash your hands. That's it. And I went in. To what I sort of stuck my, my head into this room, wash my hands and I left, but I noticed there was water, a pool of water in the sink because they're not supposed to be clogged or anything. So I left no big deal. And there was two people working in there. It was a coworker of mine, a peer, and then a subordinate, someone that reports to us that was also working in there. So, you know, didn't think anything of it. I leave and about maybe three minutes later, three to five minutes later when our, our, our managers walk in that same room and say, Hey, who clogged up the sink here?

6:33 Now, while he's saying this, he's got the door open. I just happened to be still in the hallway at the time. And then the people on the inside of the room said, Daryl did it. I said, well, Daryl did it. So I yelled back, said, no, it was clogged before I got there. So what do you, what do you take from that? Now, I know what some of you are already saying. Oh man. Blame it on the black guy. Blame it on the brother. But trust me, I was thinking the same thing and, and I'm, I'm not necessarily dismissing that either, but I also want to make it a bigger story.

7:15 And that's why I, I didn't want to really focus in on my situation, but I wanted you to have some tools and some help when things like this seem to, target you and, and can possibly trigger you on the job in the family. You know what? Not even so much in the family. I want to go outside of the family because family is one thing. We're going to have dynamics there. But in the community, the the workplace, your church, wherever you are, where people seem to target you or trigger you, or better yet, because I'm not sure I'm using the right words here.

7:55 The topic here, I'm going to call this, how, how can a Christian avoid becoming a doormat for other people? Because we're supposed to respond a certain way. And then I remember thinking this on yesterday, so, you know, I'm tired of. Always taking the high road. I'm tired of always doing the right thing. I want to respond sometimes in a way that I want to, that I feel more satisfied and gratified. And, and sometimes doing the right thing does not always feel good. And it doesn't seem to get the right from the results. So I want to, I want to, I want these people to feel or to know not to do this again and not to play around with me.

8:41 And so that's, that's the feeling that we get. That's the feeling that I get. And I'm sure that's the same feeling that you get. We're not the only ones. Believers feel this all the time. And sometimes we feel like, Oh man, I'm just another doormat. These people are treating me like a doormat. And guess what? You're probably saying, well, it's got something to do with race and skin color and all that, and melanin and all that. But the truth of the matter is that's not necessarily the case, but it could be, but still, what are you going to do as a believer? Because remember my audience is men, young men, older men, whoever you are, you are believers.

9:25 Most likely you are believers in Jesus, followers of Jesus. So you have a high, high standard. So you're probably that person listening right now. You can't respond any old kind of way. So what do you do? Surely you probably feel like a doormat. Now, I actually I pulled up something. And it used to be, I don't know if it still is, but it was got questions. org and it came up instead, it pulled up compelling truth. org. So they always have some pretty good insights on some things and really gives you some good content to talk about. And I just want to read some of the things here. It says, while God calls us to love others, we are not called to be doormats or allow others to mistreat us.

10:09 We can avoid becoming a doormat. For other people by knowing our, our identity in Christ and how God calls us to love others. So the first key thing is we need to know who we are and in whose we are. That part is super, super important. So what does the Bible say? A doormat is a rug place on doorways and a doorway in which people wipe off their feet figuratively. The term doormat functions as a descriptor for people who allow themselves to be walked on, taken advantage of, or used by others without combating it. In any way, sometimes Christians believe that because Jesus taught that we should turn the other cheek in Matthew 5 and 39, and do good to those who hate you, Luke 6 and 27, that he meant we should allow people to mistreat us, but that is not the case.

11:03 It is a mistake to assume that being a Christian means continually putting up with derogatory or abusive treatment. Even Jesus had boundaries and Jesus didn't want his disciples to be doormats. He doesn't want us to be doormats either. So it's good to know that that is not what Jesus himself wants. Jesus did not save us so that we can just get punked. So we can get punked. And everyone can just spatter some spatter on the spit on the slappers, kickers, movers, tell us to get out of the way. Give me that. Let me get that. Let me take that. Get out of the way here, take this and just get treated like this all the time.

11:47 And that's, that's our MO. Truth of the matter, it's not, that's, that's not our MO from the old Testament as Christians, we are representatives of God. And when we experienced slaps on the cheek, quote unquote, instead of following the normal human reaction, responding in retaliation out of anger. We can take the high road and respond in love, choosing to forgive Proverbs 19, 11, a matter of fact Proverbs 19, 11 is got a good sense, makes one slow to anger and it is his glory to overlook an offense. All right. So now from the new Testament, Jesus did tell us to turn the other cheek over there in five and 39, and to do good to those who hate us, Luke six and 27, but.

12:31 It didn't mean become a doormat turning the other cheek does not mean letting people walk all over us. It means walking in forgiveness and not being vindictive, but respectful, letting things roll off. This prevents bitterness from growing within our own hearts. Hebrews which says, see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness brings up and causes trouble and it. And by it, many become defiled having a strong sense of our identity in Christ helps prevent us from becoming doormats for others. And we are created in God's image, Genesis one 26.

13:14 And he always wants the best for us. Romans eight 28 through 39 in Jesus. We are righteous. We are righteous in God's sight. Thanks to Jesus' Death and resurrection in two Corinthians 5 21. And because of this, we have the right to become children of God. John one and 12. Phil Philippians two and 14 through 15 Ephe. Ephesians five and one. There should be no allowance for a child of the most high to be a doormat. Now that's a lot said. Let's jump right in and and break that down just a little bit. Jesus did not praise to be doormats turning the other cheek.

13:54 Allows us to be, to forgive. So let's go back to these situations. And these are, again, we're going to use these only as examples. The person who assume, Oh, well, Darryl did it or or whoever, whatever your name is. Well, they did it because, well, they must've been the one to do it. Now they probably thought that I did, or they just, they, in other words, these are people that will assume the worst for you. These are people that will just blame you for everything. So what do you do? How are you the bigger one in this or brothers? If being black and men, and especially some of you younger guys, 20 somethings or whatever on the, in the workplace, whether it be corporate or you, maybe you got a really nice job.

14:42 The last thing you need to do is act a fool up at work. Because if what you say is true, that they're doing this because of skin color. The first person when we get rolled about it, as soon as you raise your voice and act a fool, it's going to be you. And you have to try to fight to get your job back or whatever. So the one thing we cannot do is take dumb risks. No, you are not a doormat, but you already understood that when you knew who you are and who you belong. See, once we know who and to whom we belong. We no longer have to react like we need to define who we are.

15:27 We know exactly who we are guys. You know, exactly who you are. You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. I am a man that's not being questioned here. I am a righteous man. That's not being questioned here. I am a godly man. That's not being questioned here. Now, when I say it's not being questioned, I'm talking about not being questioned by me. I don't care what anyone else is questioning or guessing or trying to make light of or make fun of. They might be doing that, but I know exactly who I am. And see, by knowing that I also know who Jesus is in my life. And therefore I know. That the source of my joy, this joy, he gave it, the world didn't give it to me, but he gave it to me.

16:14 So he is Jesus Christ, the one that gave me the joy and the peace, my salvation. I trust that he's going to be the one to bring me through this. I trust that he's going to be the one that rewards me for being diligent and taking the high road. I trust him on that. I trust that all promotion comes from God. We'll pick up from there, right after this. How many of you are ready for the man cave? Yeah! The man cave is developed around, we call it the five pillars.

16:56 There's praise and worship. Where we sing a song or two and really just, so invite the presence of God in and get the guys singing and clapping and whatever and really make a push on getting guys into the music. Because typically guys like to avoid praise or lifting of hands or singing and that type of thing. So we really put a focus on that. And then we go right in from that into prayer, you know, intercession prayer. We ask guys if there's certain things that they want us to pray for, to agree with them in prayer for, so and we make sure to focus it on them. Sometimes guys will say, Hey, yes, and I got this neighbor, can you pray for them? And we're like, no, no, no. We want to know what is it that you need prayer for? Because, because you're the neighbor, that's your job to pray for your neighbor.

17:37 From there, we actually. Going to the competition part. Now that's the exciting part of the man cave. It just creates that competitive piece, makes it exciting, but it gets that testosterone, so bubbling up and everything else. And there's a reason to that really too. I've been doing men's ministry now for almost 30 years. A lot of times men don't really have those men focused things at churches. So in some cases. To guys, it can feel a little, so, feminine or emasculating in some cases. And because of that, we want to make sure that there's a masculine feel to men's fellowship. It's both fun. It's inviting. It's also used as a fish bait to get guys out. The other reason that we do competition is so we can create two teams.

18:20 And in creating two teams, we create a camaraderie between those guys. They stay on those teams for the duration. You don't go from second Friday to second Friday. No, you're contacting guys in between guys able to reach out. Guys are able to, Hey man, I'm really dealing with this thing. I'm struggling with this thing. So they can reach out to somebody. We go from the competition part and then we go into the work. We go into scripture. We, so do some teaching and then we make. Breakout into breakout groups. The breakout groups allows guys to be able to answer some things or share their thoughts on those same topics that we just preached a few minutes ago. The word is a two edged sword, it cuts open things. It exposes us to ourselves at least.

19:02 so to what's really happening on the inside or the things we've been trying to cover up and hide. so then we break from there and then we, we eat. That's a great time to be able to dive in and just really see how guys are doing. Pastors and churches don't have a men's ministry. You're missing out on the opportunity to Free that man from that thing. He's been trapped in that, that stronghold has been in his life. In his ministry allows him to be free, vulnerable, and then free.

20:11 And yeah, I might say something in retaliation to some degree by saying, Hey, listen, I didn't do that. Stop blaming me. Stop, you know, cut that out. Let's get back to work or take this stuff somewhere else. Get this stuff up out of here. We know who we are. We have a strong sense of our identity in Christ, and that prevents us from becoming doormats for others. Jesus wants the best for us, Romans 8 and 28, he says this, and we know that. For those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose, for those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his son in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and those whom he predestined, he also called and those whom he called, he also justified.

21:10 And those whom he justified, he also glorified, what then shall we say to these, these things. If God is for us, who can be against us? And he who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us all. How will he not also with him graciously give us all things who shall bring any charge against God's elect. It is God who justifies. So I don't have to while out now, I can respond, but I'm going to respond a lot more measured. I'm going to respond a lot more measured. I don't have to be acting while out.

21:51 I don't have to show them. I don't have to get all in wordy up in there. I don't, we don't have to do that. Nah, nah, I, I, I'm, I'm bigger. I'm, I take the high road, but it doesn't mean that I let them run the road over me. It means that if I do respond. I'm going to respond measured. I'm going to respond, listening to the Holy spirit and guiding and how I should respond to this, because maybe I need to go to other routes. Maybe I need to go to other folks and other people. Maybe I need to expose this thing in different ways, or maybe, maybe the Holy spirit just wants me to back off because it's so little, and this person is so miniature to you that you need to roll over this and just move on.

22:31 But however, because of who we are, because of who I am. It's measured. We don't, we've spot, we don't respond the way everybody else do. So you can't just act your ass, your homie or another brother up in the workplace. Yo man, how would you handle this? If they're not believers, because the way they're going to tell you may actually. Disrupt where God's going to take you so you can't take your advice from the laws See that that that's a super key part there. Remember the scripture says this Psalms 1 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly Nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful.

23:20 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and his law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water. That brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither, and whatever he does shall prosper. The ungodly are not so, but are like the chaff, which the wind drives away. Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. For the Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the ungodly shall perish. And so we know. That if we do right and we don't listen to our homeboys on the other side of the the, the company, or we don't go back to some old family members, or we don't go back to our old ways of doing things, but instead, no, we don't take the advice of the loss.

24:12 One thing I told some friends of mine a long time ago, I used to work with is I don't listen to sin. I don't, I don't take advice from sinners. And what I was, when I was meeting with that is I don't take life advice from sinners. I don't take life advice from sinners. No, I don't stand, I don't, I don't walk in the council of the ungodly or stand in the way of sinners, nor sit scornful, but my light, my, but my delight is in the law of the Lord. And in his law, do I meditate day and night. Therefore, I shall be like a tree that's planted by the rivers of water. You don't have to be a doormat brothers. We can walk upright.

24:53 Don't let nobody punk you. Don't let nobody punk you. Walk upright, walk upright. You know, one of the implications for today is if people have a low sense of self worth, they may allow their insecurities to rule their decisions. And how they allow others to treat them because they are afraid of rejection. They are unable to set up healthy boundaries, and they also allow their personal cells and spaces to be invaded by others in hopes that they will be loved, appreciated and taken care of in return. Instead of finding their worth and validation from God, they attempt to be extremely compliant in order to earn their validation from fallible people, only to end up disappointed.

25:40 We must let what God says and the example of how Jesus lived shape how we treat others and allows others to treat us. We live in Christ and follow his examples. But though Jesus served others with willingness. We also did not allow people to take advantage of him. I'm sorry. He didn't allow people to take advantage of him. He gave to them only from what he was ready to give. Jesus refused to be a doormat and take whatever people threw at him, whether that be wanting to make him They're king in John six, 15, or throw them off a cliff in Luke four and 29, Jesus removed himself from these extreme moments and snuck away from the crowds many times to spend time with God.

26:28 Instead, we can not, we can not have healthy relationships without healthy boundaries. If we cannot say no, then we also cannot truly say yes. When we allow others or allow ourselves to be doormats for others. And what we are really doing is enabling them to continue in their own irresponsibility or sins. This is selfish on our part, because it stems from our own desire to have others love or need us, rather than letting them live and hopefully learn from their own experiences. We are compelled to attempt to rescue them from the consequences they deserve.

27:10 This merely enables them to continue living the same way. It doesn't cause them to need us. As much as it causes them to use us, both are equally bad. Many times, an inability to say no is a sign of a doormat. Even God says no at times. Knowing what God says about us and how he calls us to live can keep us from becoming doormats. There's a lot in there. But you got to know who you are, and more importantly, you have to know who you serve. That's, that's the key. That's the key to this whole thing. You have to know who you serve. You got to know the word.

27:52 You got to understand the word. There's a whole lot more. I'm going to leave these, the rest of this in the podcast notes. There's a lot, a lot here goes into a whole reflection or how we should reflect and engage and all that. It's really cool stuff. I'm going to leave that in the show notes of the podcast. So if you want that, definitely go to man, demand three 60. com and, and then pull up this podcast and you'll find those notes in there, but guys at the end of the day. You know, we're still in a new year. It's still sort of the beginning. It's the first of February, first part of February, first week. And you, man, you want to, you want things to go well.

28:35 Things are not going to go well for you. Things are going to go bad around you, but it doesn't mean that you have to respond wrong and then lose out and get kicked out and get fired and get yelled at and get blamed. Yeah. Don't, don't create this thing worse. Put this thing back into God's hands. When people want to call you out and assume, Oh, well, you must be the blame, or you must be this, what they're doing now where you can find scripture on this too, it's called a false accusation, false accusation. Find out what happened when people were false, had false accusations put on them. Let's start with Joseph, Jacob's son, his second to youngest son, because Benjamin was the second, was the youngest, but Joseph was the second to the youngest.

29:24 Okay. What happens when you're false accused, falsely accused? There's a blessing at the end. We found that out with Joseph, when people are falsely accused and see, that's what sometime happens. We feel like doormat. Now, how do we let them get away? How do we let him get away? But you don't have to be a doormat. Father God, I just pray right now, Lord God, for every guy, or even women, whoever's listening right now, but I'm speaking mostly to my guys. All these guys who feel like doormats from time to time for doing the right thing, for doing what is, I shouldn't say the right thing for doing the righteous thing for, for obeying the scriptures and being led by the Holy Spirit. Lord God, allow them to, they'll, they'll feel a little pain of doing it at first, of course, but allow them to understand the bigger, the, the, the, the, the bigger win here that you are being pleased and glorified and that you will bring retribution at the end.

30:19 You will bring reward at the end. And when I say in, it doesn't necessarily mean at the end of time, but Lord God, even in that workspace, even in that situation, you will bring truth and light to the whole situation in some way, somehow that that person, that man that's listening right now, at least he will have peace in his heart and he will understand he's bigger than everybody in that room right then and there. So father, God, we just honor you. We give you glory in Jesus name. We pray. Amen. Listen, this has been another great episode of man to man 360. And I'm not even sure what I called this episode. But I think I'm going to call it, don't be a doormat.

31:00 Don't be a doormat for other people. And don't be no punk. Don't be a doormat and don't be no punk. Be upright. I am your host, Darryl Anderson. This is Man to Man 360. I'll see you next week, and I'm out. This episode of Man to Man 360 is a wrap. But you can check us out next week, wherever you get your podcast and listen on demand to earlier or exclusive content, visit us at man to man 360. com. That's man. The number two, man, 360. com.

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